Indecision can fan the flames of anxiety and really do a doozie if you have an anxiety disorder. We live in a society that reveres the ‘just do it’ mentality. Allowing confusion to be part of an effective decision making process just doesn’t jive with our ‘expert-self-reliant-I’ve-got-it-together’ kind of attitude.
But here’s the secret. It’s ok to not know; to live in ambiguity. Yikes, you say. Oh god, no. Has your anxiety spiked? I know mine does sometimes when I consider this. As counter intuitive as it may seem to our society’s mandate about always being in control, it’s ok to live in uncertainty. It actually can be much more beneficial than pressuring ourselves to make a choice when we are in fact, in doubt of that decision or don’t have enough information to feel good about our choice. It’s a valuable skill to be able to recognize when we are not in a position to make a wise choice.
But how do you live comfortably with ambiguity so it doesn’t drive you into a panic attack or analysis paralysis? Make it official (the indecisiveness, not the panic attack). That is: choose to be indecisive. With that very statement you’ve made a decision.
But don’t stop there. Instead pick a date, say in three days, a week or a month to revisit the conundrum. Consciously choose to postpone a decision. Leah Goard, a fab business coach and friend, calls it ‘delayed decision making’. I call it the ‘just park it’ process (and pick up later).
“Basically,” Leah says, “we don’t realize that like physical things in our lives – our thoughts, ideas and decisions need a specific time and ‘place’ to rest so we can let go of them while we literally and intuitively information gather. If we don’t have a way to set them aside and trust that they will wait there for us, our minds will continue to kick that decision back into the forefront of our minds repeatedly because we are afraid to forget about them. Then the swirl of inner chaos ensues”.
Inner chaos, monkey mind, self-eviscerating self-talk. Can you relate? I certainly can.
During this ‘park it’ time (sort of like a kindergarten nap for unsolved decisions), let new information unfold organically AND also do the concrete research gathering that’s needed.
At that next date, see where you’re at. If you still don’t know, but know you must make a choice, make the best decision possible with the information you have. Then take ‘imperfect action’ and remember the mantra: ‘good enough is good enough’. Read more about ‘good enoughness’ here.
Surprisingly or not (I can’t decide – just kidding), when you commit to a particular option knowing you did so to the best of your ability with the information you had at the time, you will find the results are always pretty darn good; great even.
It’s an on-going, moment to moment process really, to relax with muddlement. I have however come to understand each and every thing in life has its own unique wise timetable and often, if not always, it’s not the one I would impose on it. This is particularly true when my scheduling is propelled by fear. Part of learning to be at ease with my own ambivalence is deeply trusting Life’s flow. Rather than trying to push the river; direct the river, I am slowly (oh so slowly) learning to trust the river.
The ‘Just Park It’ In/Decision Making Process Cheat Sheet (or kindergarten naps for unsolved decisions)
1. Remind yourself it’s OK (wise even) to not know
2. Make it official: choose to be indecisive
3. Park it: pick a date to revisit the choice
4. During ‘park it’ time: allow information to unfold and/or gather research
5. At the next date: park it again or take ‘imperfect action’
6. Remember: ‘good enough is good enough’
7. Practice trusting the river
If you’d like to read more about the ‘Good Enough is Good Enough’ mantra and create your own, click here to download my free CRAZY NAKED TRUTH e-guide.
Leah Goard is a soul-searching business and life strategist, serial entrepreneur, professional organizer, writer, speaker and independent mom. To learn more visit www.leahgoard.com.