Ok before anything. Let’s take a deep breath. I’m serious. Do this with me. Inhale 1 – 2 – 3. Pause. Exhale 1 – 2 – 3. A little better? 

Like many of you, if you subscribe to newsletters, many are focused on information about the unusual times we are in and what we can do to prevent the spread of the COVID-9 virus and the anxiety that surrounds it. 

I’m not going to repeat what you probably have in your inbox. Instead I’m going to share with you my experience and what I’ve unexpectedly gleaned from this collective situation. I realize many aren’t as fortunate as I am: a privileged middle-aged white woman, not working the frontlines, with some small savings in the bank, in my home country and healthy. The following “COVID19 Silver Linings” might not be relevant to you – but I offer it in the spirit of kindness and support.

1.It’s OK to go slow: I have felt strangely comforted by this surreal global experience. Let me explain. It’s put the brakes on my work – allowing the pace of my life to sloooooow down. Three of my speaking events have been cancelled and I expect more. Although this comes with financial consequences, I’m ok with this. Everyone is facing uncertainty. Businesses everywhere are having to make changes. I know I am not alone. We’re all going to be given time and wiggle room as we find solutions to support ourselves and each other. On my day off, like last Sunday, I made banana bread. For the life of me, I can’t remember the last time I baked banana bread! The more I slow down, the easier it is to breathe deeply and calm myself.

2. Perspective: A global pandemic puts things into perspective. Like any illness, it can help us reprioritize what’s really paramount and recognize what we thought was important (finding a better fitting pair of jeans for instance) maybe isn’t so important after all. I’ve phoned (yes, phoned not texted!) people I haven’t in awhile. A friend’s mother who I knew had fallen, a writerly friend (ok I did text her), good friend who’s been facing other life bumps.

3. One thing at a time tactic: What used to be urgent isn’t. I don’t feel the pressure to be busy-busy-busy and get my usual to do’s done. I identify the ONE thing I know needs to be done today. Then I take one slow, gentle step at a time to get it done. This ‘one-thing-at-a-time’ focus helps me soften into the present moment, allowing surfacing anxiety to pass on its own. If I get that ONE thing done, I identify the next one thing that needs to be done and so on. This is also a great antidote for fuzzy thinking.

I hope some of my experiences spark an insight or small gentle sense of ok-ness for you while we ride the waves of this. Share with me what you have discovered to help you stay grounded and connected. We really are in this together.

© Victoria Maxwell



I’ve noticed perfectionism hits me hardest at work. Or maybe it’s just easier for me to recognize it in that area of my life. I procrastinate tasks because I’m scared I won’t do it ‘right’. I start getting sleepy, not because I’m tired, but because I’m avoiding a job responsibility I feel has to be done flawlessly. 

When perfectionism is running roughshod all over me and my (now) mushy mind, one way I manage it is by creating my own mantras. These little reminders help put things into perspective, pivot my thinking and reassure me the sky isn’t falling. They help me get out of my head and into perfectly imperfect action. I write them on sticky notes and plunk them all over my desk. 

My current, self-penned “progress-not-perfection” prompts are the following. See if any help kick your perfectionistic paralysis to the sidelines.

1.Don’t overthink it

Sometimes I find myself rewriting and rewriting and rewriting AND rewriting blog posts, emails, even text messages. This ‘don’t overthink it’ quip tells me I can take things less seriously and trust myself (and other people). I’ve learned I can send off that email more quickly, do only one or two revisions of my posts (yes, including THIS one!) and trust my texts don’t have to be eloquent or even intelligible (not for friends anyway). 

2. Good enough really IS good enough

Those of you who’ve been reading my posts, or following me for some time, know this is my touchstone. It’s a comforting and truthful mantra. It reiterates what I often forget: other people don’t care as much about the mistakes I make, most won’t care at all, some won’t even notice them. Good enough, helps me get to done. Voltaire and Confucius are considered cool cats for a reason. They both understood the importance of good old ‘enough-ness’. Voltaire said, “The best is the enemy of the good” and Confucius, “Better a diamond with a flaw than a pebble without”. Maybe it should be perfect is the enemy of done!?

3. What if… I let myself be happy? 

When I start to spin my wheels, or launch into a whirligig of negatives ‘what ifs’, I ask myself this: ‘what if… I let myself be happy?’. I think about this. Really think about it, just… letting myself be happy. Relaxing and letting myself trust I can do whatever is in front of me while letting go a bit. Whatever the task, I can experiment doing it without fear or worry. When I do this, I start to feel a little lighter, a little happier even. I also forget about why I should hang on to my white-knuckle control. Try it. It’s not a question we often ask ourselves. See what happens when you do. This little glimmer of happy helps me be more productive with less emphasis on doing things impeccably.  *Note: this isn’t when I’m in an arm wrestle with depression or acute anxiety – that needs a different approach and sometimes an appointment with my therapist or doctor.  

4. Leave it ugly. Let it be messy. 

I have a hang up about making documents look pretty. Documents that don’t need a design flair. Documents that don’t even get seen by the public. Like colour coordinating my brand colours in my on-line to do list I share with my virtual assistant, or neatly entering data just so with proper punctuation in my CRM. Yes, it looked nice. But it took me forever and to what end? I fretted over bolding titles, changing font colours instead of just getting the task done. It was a sneaky way to feel productive. Now I leave things ugly and let them be messy. 

5. Try it and see what happens

This one really took me a long time to really get in my bones. Indecision has been a comforting friend and way to avoid uncertainty in an ass-backward way. But the experimenting approach has brought the most fruit and a lot of relief. Indecision masked my fear of failure and belief that one wrong move would collapse my career. “Trying it” simple as it sounds, wasn’t exactly simple. Not for this ‘risk-adverse-need-a-guarantee-it’ll-all-turn-out-ok’ kinda girl.  I started by taking micro-sized healthy risks and seeing what the outcome was. Then gradually took on bigger and bigger ones. This is all relative. For example, first it was writing a cold sales email to a potential client. Then it was choosing to do a follow up phone call (egad!) to a client instead of another email. Instead of postponing my webinar again until I knew exactly what topic people wanted, I chose to do one that I was excited about and tried it out. 

These action steps might be easy for others but for me they were huge. Perfectionism is an insidious, heavy and often sneaky culprit. What were the outcomes? Phone calls were nerve racking but effective, and actually welcomed by some clients. The “Catalyst for Creativity and Courage”: Intro to Storytelling webinar was…well it WAS! It happened and was a success.  

With these aphorisms I experience less anxiety and self-criticism. They help me get my work done, get more done and get it done more easily. The momentum of caring less about perfection carries me to a place of completed good work rather than almost perfect but never done work. 

Now that is pretty perfect. Not that it needs to be. 

© Victoria Maxwell


The holiday season is here, but the joy of it may not be, especially at work. Maintaining good mental health on the job can be a challenge at the best of times. Maintaining it during the holidays can seem impossible.  

The pressure of the holly jolly season along with regular workload can give rise to feeling even more behind than usual and increase anxiety and poor mental health. Like I’m sort of feeling right now. 

Can you relate? Strategic planning for the next year, year end reviews for this last year. Project deadlines that were due…oh like a month ago. Those damn people who take vacations during December (how dare them?!). The obligatory staff/client/shareholder events that mean you get home after the kids have gone to bed and spent more time with your co-workers than your family – again. Add your own to the list.

To find a little relief and decrease triggers for anxiety and depression, I suggest capturing mini-moments of joy. Think of moments of joy like moments of silence – but without the focus on dead people. Personal, brief and meaningful. 

Now after you finish rolling your eyes and before you click another link, wait. I promise this hack is doable and effective. It won’t change your life. It might not even change your mood. But it will give you momentary relief from the hell-bent chaos and burden you may be feeling right now at work. The more often you do this simple exercise, the more it will build upon itself.

Finding these mini-moments of joy goes deeper than intellectualizing gratitude. It moves into a mind and body experience of micro-sized feelings of appreciation and simple pleasures. 

First, what is joy? See if you can guess.

Joy is…

1.Not a feeling in response to a fortunate event, but a condition of spirit. 

2. The name of my neighbor 2 blocks over who has 11 cats & wears big hats.

3. A brand of perfume. 

4. Extreme gladness, delight, or exultation of the spirit arising from a sense of well-being or satisfaction.

5. A mediocre movie with Jennifer Lawrence about some Tupperware woman.

6. Sorry, what? I nodded off. I need more coffee

The answers are 1, 3, 4 and 5 (and potentially 6 if I’ve caught you before your morning coffee). Joy is: a feeling, spiritual condition, perfume and a movie. Now THAT’S what I call versatility!  

The American Psychological Association defines it as “a feeling of extreme gladness, delight, or exultation of the spirit arising from a sense of well-being or satisfaction.”

I like Existential philosopher James Park’s take on it: joy is “not a feeling in response to a fortunate event, but a condition of spirit”. It is the basis of our being. Often latent it is our basic nature. Now isn’t that optimistic? 

The mental health benefits of joy are real.  

When we experience joy, the brain releases the neurotransmitters dopamine and serotonin. People with depression are known to have lower levels of serotonin.1 

Positive emotions, like joy, can decrease stress hormones and build emotional strength.2

But how to bring this joyful nature out? The easiest way is to become aware of the tiniest feelings of joy that arise naturally while you’re at work. I’m not talking about feeling states extending for a period of minutes. I’m talking about seconds or nano-seconds of joy that occur throughout the course of a day. Focusing on these tiny slices will ‘prime’ your body and mind to see and feel more of them. I take a deeper dive into joy in my workshop “Creating Wellness and Reclaiming Self-Care” with some fun, interactive exercises.

The Hack: How to Capture Mini-Moments of Joy to Improve Mental Health at Work

1.Make a conscious decision to be open to itsy-bitsy bits of joy at your workplace for one day (or even a half a day). 

2. Define what joy feels like for you. What does it feel like in your body, your mind and your spirit? Typically, these are small bubbles of positive emotions or sensations of relief or comfort in your body. 

For me, I know I’ve hit a blip of joy because the corners of my mouth give rise to a slight smile. I feel a little lightness in my body like my muscles have relaxed. The stream of (often negative) thoughts and worries stop for a split second and I am in the present (for like 1.5 seconds). 

3. When something triggers an inkling of joy, pause. Experience it. Notice it. Breathe with it.

4. Note what, if any, physical sensations go along with it and where those sensations occur in your body.

5. Notice what triggered said moment of joy. You can track it to see if it consistently elicits joy for you.

6. Take another gentle and conscious breath and go about your business.

It’s that simple. 

Example of mini-moments of joy are: 

  • Completing a task on your to do list
  • Petting your co-worker’s dog (that is of course if you like dogs. I’m a sucker for them.)
  • Laughing at a joke said in the staff meeting
  • Seeing the winner of the staff’s ugly cookie decorating contest
  • When your computer screen unfreezes
  • Seeing birds fly by your office window
  • Sipping coffee or tea on your break
  • Getting through to the tech department within a minute

Being open to and paying conscious attention to the mini-moments of joy can, even in the most stressful day, bring you out of your head and into the present moment. This gives both your body and your brain a break before you dive in the flurry of work that’s waiting for you. 

I use this hack on a daily basis at work. Even during my most stressful work days, noticing mini-moments of joy clears my head and reduces my anxiety. It re-energizes me even when I’m in a rotten mood. Try it and see what happens for you. Happy joy hunting at work for a little bit better mental health.

© Victoria Maxwell

  1. Carrie Murphy https://www.healthline.com/health/affects-of-joy#9 
  2. Create Joy and Satisfaction https://www.mhanational.org/create-joy-and-satisfaction 

Wabi-sabi. (Whah-bee/Saw-bee). C’mon say it with me. I know you want to. 

Just saying it makes me feel a little better. These two strange words and the concept it encapsulates, has changed the way I look at failure, my mental health, my life, humanity. Seriously. I was introduced to it by the same dear friend who sent me the link of the Thich Nhat Hanh recording about bringing kindness into mindfulness which I wrote in this post.

Yes, she is one wise woman, this friend of mine! You know who you are. 

What is wabi-sabi? Contrary to what I thought it was, it’s not related to wasabi or sushi. Though it is of Japanese origin. 

Derived from Buddhist teachings and ancient Japanese philosophical ideals, wabi-sabi is a world perspective centered on the acceptance of beauty that is “imperfect, impermanent, and incomplete”. 1

Doesn’t that bring you a little bit of relief just reading that? 

Another term for it is ‘flawed beauty’. The modern translation might be ‘perfectly imperfect’. 

The Japanese art form, Kintsugi reflects it brilliantly. Kintsugi is the process where cracked pottery is repaired with gold lacquer to highlight the beauty of the imperfection or damage rather than hiding it. 

Why have I found this idea so powerful? Because in our curated Instagram lives, it celebrates imperfection that inevitably is part of life. That’s my kind of world view. 

When recovering from mental illness, or an addiction, or let’s face it, just plain living life, mis-steps are part of the process, not an exception to it. Like the saying goes: Progress not perfection. Its approach to beautiful messiness is a pragmatic and compassionate one. An approach that, particularly with the creative process or the onslaught of depression, can be sorely absent.

I introduce this concept in my creativity playshops. You’ll also have a chance to experience it in my *FREE* webinar Catalyst for Creativity and Courage: Intro to Telling Your Stories on October 25.

I partner wabi-sabi with an improv exercise that underlines the very essence of it. No, we don’t thwack each other with blobs of gold paint or break glasses and put them back together again with glitter tape. It’s called the Failure Bow.

The Transformative Power of the Failure Bow

The ‘failure bow’ hails from the world of improv, but has wider applications than just on the stage. It, along with understanding wabi-sabi, can reframe failure as part of success and the creative process.

The idea of celebrating mistakes has taken off even in corporate settings. You can find variations of it at MomsRising’s “joyful funerals” for failed projects or FailFest as organized by DoSomething.Org. Beth Kanter’s article explains them in more details. 

Innovation and creativity die if stifled by the fear of failure.  Recovery can be stopped in its tracks, and the joy of living can too if perfectionism isn’t tamed. 

Here’s the exercise. Do it and I guarantee you’ll feel a little happier.

 ‘Failure Bow’ (takes less than 30 seconds) 
1. You can do this alone or in a group.

2. Stand in a ‘super hero’ pose. You know, we all have one – even if we haven’t done it since we were 10. Feet hip width apart; hand on hips, chest out, head up and an ear to ear grin.

3. Then lift your arms in the universal “V” victory position and happily, shamelessly, proudly say: “I failed!”

4. And… you guessed it…take a bow (don’t shy away from it – full on bow, bending at the waist – several times if the spirit moves you).

5. Then if you’re in a group, everyone else around you claps, whoots, and hollers for you, celebrating your gaffe with you.

Variations: 

In the Moment Failure Bow

As soon as you’ve noticed you’ve made a mistake – immediately do the failure bow to counteract any self-judgment that might rise. The smile alone will help.

Intentional Snafu Surrender Bow 

  • Before you get into your super hero pose, think of a mistake you made that you’re still hanging onto (big or small doesn’t matter). 
  • Get in your super hero pose holding that mistake in your mind.
  • As you lift your arms, imagine the energy of that snafu running up your arms to the tips of your fingers.
  • As you yell “I failed” and bend over to take a bow, imagine all the energy and emotion of that mistake drain out of your hands and surrender into the earth. 

Why does it work? 
1. It helps us redefine failure, Ted DesMaisons, Stanford University instructor, suggests, it can “(lead) us to more productive action or more empowered choices going forward.”

2. According to a Beth Kanter’s 2013 Harvard Business review article it “alters our physiological response to failure by removing the demons of self-doubt and self-judgment. Without those holding us back, we can be more flexible and improve results and learning.”

3. Both the wabi-sabi ethos and the simple failure bow exercise gives a positive view of mistakes preventing us from falling into immobility and self-condemnation.

4. They offer a psychological and physical approach to fully embody failure as part of creativity, success, work and life. 

Through wabi-sabi and the failure bow we can learn, flub by flub, to take ourselves and our mistakes less seriously and increase our self-compassion.

Here’s a filmed version of me explaining the Failure Bow. Send me YOUR failure bow videos.

Let’s unite in the love of our failures and create a FAILURE REVOLUTION! The world will be a kinder, softer, more perfectly imperfect place because of it.

© Victoria Maxwell


1 Koren, Leonard (1994). Wabi-Sabi for Artists, Designers, Poets and Philosophers. Stone Bridge Press. ISBN 1-880656-12-4.

Last February I wrote the post “10 of My Favourite Quotes that I Live, Learn, and Love From”. I ended it with a call for readers to send in their go-to, must-remember, ever-inspiring quotes. And send them in you did!

Words can’t cure mental illness or alleviate stress, but they can make it more comfortable as the pain passes. Below you’ll find further hope-filled sentences helping us to breathe a little easier and guiding us when the path gets rough. Thanks to all of you who contributed! 

1.“Love conquers all (Amor Vincit Omnia).” – Roman poet Virgil; painted by Caravaggio; sung by Deep Purple (anonymous submission)


2. “The best way to overcome it [the fear of death]—so at least it seems to me—is to make your interests gradually wider and more impersonal, until bit by bit the walls of the ego recede, and your life becomes increasingly merged in the universal life. An individual human existence should be like a river: small at first, narrowly contained within its banks, and rushing passionately past rocks and over waterfalls. Gradually the river grows wider, the banks recede, the waters flow more quietly, and in the end, without any visible break, they become merged in the sea, and painlessly lose their individual being. The man who, in old age, can see his life in this way, will not suffer from the fear of death, since the things he cares for will continue. And if, with the decay of vitality, weariness increases, the thought of rest will not be unwelcome. I should wish to die while still at work, knowing that others will carry on what I can no longer do and content in the thought that what was possible has been done.”  – Bertrand Russel (submitted by Amir A.)


3. “Peace begins with a smile.” – Mother Teresa (anonymous submission)

4. “Bad things happen not to go through, but to grow through.”  – Prince EA (submitted by Terri L.)

5, “It takes courage to grow up and become who you really are.” – EE Cummings (anonymous submission)


6. The Peace of Wild Things – a poem

When despair for the world grows in me

and I wake in the night at the least sound

in fear of what my life and my children’s lives may be,

I go and lie down where the wood drake

rests in his beauty on the water, and the great heron feeds.

I come into the peace of wild things

who do not tax their lives with forethought

of grief. I come into the presence of still water.

And I feel above me the day-blind stars

waiting with their light. For a time

I rest in the grace of the world, and am free.  

– Wendell Berry (submitted by David G.) 


7. “Honor your future self with good habits.” – Terri Lawrence (submitted by Terri)

8. “I can tell you that whatever you are looking for is already inside you.” – Anne Lamont (submitted by Suzanne T.)

9. “To the bird, a nest; to the spider, a web; to man, friendship” –  William Blake (submitted by Shelley P.)

10. “If you wish to experience peace, provide peace for another.

If you wish to know that you are safe, cause another to know that they are safe.

If you wish to better understand seemingly incomprehensible things, help another to better understand.

If you wish to heal your own sadness or anger, seek to heal the sadness or anger of another.” – His Holiness the 14th Dalai Lama (submitted by Roger S.)


11. “Yesterday is history, tomorrow is a mystery, today is a gift…which is why we call it the present.” ― Bill Keane (submitted by Sylvia P.

Keep those quotes coming! I love discovering new ones. Which ones of the above is your favourite? Enquiring minds want to know. Or at least this enquiring mind wants to know. 

© Victoria Maxwell



There is a vast difference between information and wisdom. I’m learning how to spot the difference. One fills my head and fuels my fears, the other feeds my heart and soothes my spirit.

I’ve made some pretty dumb mistakes. Don’t get me started about the time I became a frosted blonde – think ‘90’s – VERY 90’s, for an acting role. That I AUDITIONED for. But didn’t GET. So, as you might imagine, I could use as much help as possible to let go of stubborn patterns and to make the most of the present.

The following are ‘bon mots’ that I think are divine. I mean that literally. I believe words and their authors are often supernaturally (in the good sense) inspired when they’re writing and creating. When the words have wisdom you can feel they come from a place larger than the rational mind.

I discovered these quotes as I’ve done research, watched videos and read books. Some inspire me, while others help me cope.

My wish for you is that these unique strings of words cast magic in your life for now and always.

Let the ‘onslaught’ of insight begin! Umm… let’s soften things up a bit. How about: let the ‘onslaught of insight gently begin…yeah, that’s better. 

1. “Perfectionism didn’t lead to results. It led to peanut butter.” – Brene Brown (from her book ‘The Gifts of Imperfection’) talking about how ‘perfectionism diets’ led her to emotional eating.

2. “Violence isn’t a symptom of mental illness.” – Amy Willans, CBC radio interview 

3. “Let the good stuff in.” – Krystin Clark (from her book ‘The Grateful Jar Project’).

4. “While the world figures this all out, I’m going to continue holding doors for strangers, letting people merge in front of me in traffic, saying “please” and “thank you”, saying “good morning”, being patient with children, the elderly, the waiter, the customer service rep at the other end of the line, and smiling at strangers. I will not stand idly by and let children live in a world where unconditional love is invisible….. Find your own way to swing the pendulum in the direction of love. “ – Molly Strongheart (saw this first on a friend’s Facebook page – can’t remember who, but thank you!)

5. “To be successful you need to have a wishbone, a backbone and a funny bone.” –  Reba McEntire

6. “I believe that all behaviour serves a purpose. It just may be that we don’t understand what that purpose is.” – Dr. Lloyd Sederer (TEDx talk ‘When Mental Illness Enters the Family’) reflecting on how unhealthy actions are an attempt to cope. His is a great video with very practical tips for loved ones that emphasizes working WITH, not AGAINST the person who is unwell. (watch at 8 minutes 30 seconds).

7. “If you’re frightened of dying and you’re holding on, you’ll see devils tearing your life away. If you’ve made your peace, than the devils are really angels freeing you from the earth.” – adaptation of Meister Eckhart teachings from the movie ‘Jacob’s Ladder’. Trigger warning: the movie is quite scary and intense (but also powerful). Viewer discretion is advised.

8. “Fall down 7 times, get up 8.” – Japanese proverb

9. “…have patience with everything unresolved in your heart and to try to love the questions themselves as if they were locked rooms or books written in a very foreign language. Don’t search for the answers, which could not be given to you now, because you would not be able to live them. And the point is to live everything. Live the questions now. Perhaps then, someday far in the future, you will gradually, without even noticing it, live your way into the answer.” – Rainer Maria Rilke, 1903 from his book ‘Letters to a Young Poet’.

10. “Even if you’re on the right track, you’ll still get hit if you just sit there.” – Will Rogers

Comment below with YOUR favourite quotes. If I get enough, with your permission, I’ll compile them into a post. The more ‘bon mots’ the better. Don’t ya think?

© Victoria Maxwell