I’d like to share this breathing tip with you because I don’t know about you, but my anxiety has been running high lately.

People frequently say to “take a deep breath,” or a few, if you’re feeling anxious. Sure, that’s great. Then they give you tips like “breathe in four, hold for four, out for four.” OK.

But what is often forgotten is about is where we should be breathing.

What has been remarkably helpful for me, even before doing any of those kinds of tips, is to practice breathing into my belly. All of us are born natural “belly-breathers,” but as we age and stress affects us, we become chest-breathers. You’ll notice that typically we’ll be breathing into our chests and not into our bellies. I do a really quick demonstration in the video below to show you how I practice belly breathing. It’s pretty straightforward. 

OK. Wanna try this with me? Let’s do it.

Let’s do this! A feeling of ease is just around the corner.
  1. Put your hand on your belly.
  2. If you like, put your hand on your chest. This is to remind yourself to be compassionate towards yourself.
  3. Take a breath in through the nose, and out through your mouth; in through the nose, out through the mouth.
  4. Direct the breath into your belly.

See if your hand can rise where your belly is. Your chest will likely still rise, but if you can get some air into your belly, that’s what matters. Just taking a few deep breaths into your abdomen, in itself, can be quite relaxing and reduce some anxiety.  

I sometimes use a heart monitor app, like the free app HeartRate LITE. You can do your own biofeedback. Do a baseline check to see what your heart rate is like normally. Then do belly breathing and see if it changes. Even if it changes and goes down one point, that’s quite significant.

I’ll be back with a second video teaching a specific cycle of breathing strategy—one that actually does calm me, which is saying a lot. Because when that Tasmanian devil of anxiousness razes my internal landscape and my heart gets going, my breath gets shallow and my mind starts spinning, some breathing strategies just don’t cut it. The one I’ll share in my next post does. Until then, happy breathing (belly breathing, that is).

Comment below to let me know how this works for you! I love hearing from you, my fellow wellness warrior. Recovery is better when we encourage each other.

© Victoria Maxwell.

This year has been, for lack of a better and more polite phrase, one gigantic sh*% show.

New strain of COVID! Lockdowns! Mr. Rogers! When I hear these things, my anxiety can skyrocket. Ok, maybe not with Mr. Rogers.

How are YOU? That’s a loaded question nowadays, isn’t it? I’ve been thinking about you; hoping you’ve had some time to rest and recharge, even if for only half a day.

Over these months, to maintain my sanity (and help my husband’s!), I’ve been practising new and old strategies to support good mental health. Some have helped, some haven’t. I’m going to share with you one of my favorite and most effective strategies that helps with the struggle of stress and anxiety. These tools aren’t overnight fixes. I practice these over and over again. And I’ve made a short video to go with it.

It’s important to note, when I’m extremely overwhelmed with anxiety or emotions, these techniques won’t cut it. However, this e-book describes tools from the same psychological approach that can help with the more extreme “emotional storms.”

First time experiencing anxiety or depression? You’re not alone.

My mental health, like most peoples’, has fluctuated wildly during 2020. With actual diagnosable mental illnesses, I’ve seen my symptoms jump out of the woodwork more intensely and more often. You’re not alone if this has been happening to you.

You’re also not alone if, for the first time, you’re experiencing symptoms of an anxiety disorder or clinical depression. Many people have. Over 50 percent of North Americans have reported their mental health has worsened since the pandemic1,2. More than 1 in 3 Americans are reporting symptoms of anxiety and depressive disorder this year compared to 1 in 10 in 20192. Talk about being in this together.

It’s important to know your experience isn’t an anomaly and somehow, you’re like, the weird one. You’re not. Weird. Unless, of course, you were wonderfully weird to begin with. By the way, weird people are my people.

With practice, these tools work well to lessen my wobbliness in the face of anxiety.

These tools lessen my struggle and wobbliness in the face of anxiety and uncertainty. I hope it will for you too. Note: I didn’t say it necessarily removed my anxiety.

The approach comes from a book, The Happiness Trap by Russ Harris. I recommend it to anyone who wants to find a way to live more easily with the stress, anxiety and uncertainty many of us are experiencing right now. (Oh, and the book title ISN’T backwards like I said it would be in the video!)

Acceptance and Commitment Therapy.

Based on Acceptance and Commitment Therapy (ACT), it’s not about getting rid of uncomfortable feelings and thoughts, but to stop struggling with them; then taking meaningful action based on your values. The beauty of this approach is that it’s not about changing how I feel. Quite the opposite. It’s about having a direct experience of accepting my feelings. As a result, they may decrease, but that’s not the point of the exercises.

Defusion and expansion.

The two components to stop struggling are using “defusion” techniques for thoughts and “expansion” tools for feelings. I explain each in the video. Then, regardless of whether the feelings or thoughts have changed, the next step is to take action based on my values. This way, I don’t get caught up in “the forest of anxiety and fear” but take steps into the life I would like to build based on what I find important (my values).

An example:

I start having anxious thoughts when a client cancels work with me. I become knee-deep in and full-on stuck with these thoughts. The thoughts may go something like:

“All my clients are going to cancel now. I don’t really offer any value to my clients anyway. My business is going to collapse. I know it. I won’t have enough money in the bank for bills. Only for the next two months. That’s not enough… how am I going to survive without work?”

Sound at all familiar? Maybe you have a similar loop but a different topic (i.e.: friends, dating, body image).

What does defusion look like exactly?

“Defusion” involves techniques to help me “un-fuse” from those thoughts; get a little distance from them. Some techniques might seem silly or strange, but you’d be surprised what can work. And that’s what you do — find ones that are effective for you. Some are: singing the thoughts; thanking my mind for sharing; putting a funny voice to the thoughts; labeling the story that the thoughts are attached to. These are just a few. Google “defusion” techniques and you’ll find lots more.

My favourite methods are to sing my thoughts (as you’ll cringingly see in the video) or thanking my mind. As I do that, I usually see that they are just thoughts, a stream of words I don’t have to take so seriously. There becomes breathing room between them and me.

The thoughts sometimes leave or lessen, sometimes they don’t. Doesn’t matter. What matters is that I’m not struggling with them and trying to stop them, argue with them or any other means of trying to control them.

What is this expansion technique, really?

“Expansion” is where I work with the difficult emotions and physical sensations to get “comfortable with the discomfort.” I identify where the uncomfortable feeling is and observe it with curiosity, noting its qualities. Then I breathe into it. Then I open up space around the feeling in order for it to just “be.” It’s more or less allowing it to just be. I may want to push it away or ignore it, but I continue to observe, breathe, expand and allow. It might change, it might not. Change isn’t the goal, allowing it to be is the aim.

The example with the “twitchy” emotions generated by the scenario above would go something like this:

I identify that the anxiety is in my gut, right below my belly button. I observe it: It’s solid, and tight, pulses a bit. I see it as a red, glowing blob moving around my tummy area. I breathe into it and around it, gently sending my breath into my navel area where the sensations are present. Then I, in the way that I understand it, open space around emotion. I keep giving it space and more space if it needs it, doing my best to allow it to be there.

Sometimes the feeling changes, moves on, often it doesn’t.

Take meaningful action tied to values.

Regardless of whether the thoughts and feelings have shifted, I connect with a value or value(s) and choose a meaningful activity. There’s a lot more to action and values than I can write in one post. That’s why I’d suggest reading Russ Harris’s book and exploring his website and videos.

Using the work-related example above, taking value-driven action would look something like this:

Two of my values are responsibility (according to Harris’s list of values: “to be responsible and accountable for my actions”) and persistence (“to continue resolutely, despite problems or difficulties”).

Despite whether the difficult feelings and thoughts are there, I choose to do a meaningful work task. It could be writing a blog post that I’ve been procrastinating (like this one), or following up with a client that mentioned an interest in having me speak at a virtual conference. It’s important I do something that is significant to me because it offers a chance to have a sense of accomplishment and pride (and perhaps with those feelings of worry).

The ACT approach helps me “be with life” and get on with life at the same time. That’s valuable to me. I hope it is to you too.

Comment below about your thoughts about this or your experience with expansion and defusion if you’ve used it. It’s important for me to know if I’m writing about relevant topics.

If you like this approach, take a look at Russ Harris’s free resources, click here or for The Happiness Trap book.

If you’d like to reach me or inquire about my mental health coaching email me at [email protected] You can book a free consultation to see if it’s right for you. For more info: www.victoriamaxwell.com

References

1. Angus Reid, 2020 Institute http://www.camh.ca/-/media/files/pdfs—public-policy-submissions/covid-and-mh-policy-paper-pdf.pdf   Retrieved Dec 30, 2020 from The Centre for Addiction and Mental Health

2. Kaiser Family Foundation https://www.kff.org/coronavirus-covid-19/issue-brief/the-implications-of-covid-19-for-mental-health-and-substance-use/ Retrieved Dec 30, 2020

© Victoria Maxwell

How ya holding up? Pretty wild, draining, unusual and challenging times, huh? I’ve been pretty up and down. I found something hopeful and fun and want to share it with you.

I was having a really hard time a couple months ago and watched some YouTube videos of adorable animals. They made me laugh, but I felt guilty. Distracting myself with silly videos – that can’t be helpful, right?  I’m just wasting my time, right? But nope! Research shows cute can equal a boost in mood.  I think we could all use some good news about our guilty pleasures.

Scientific studies demonstrate watching these kind of clips is a tonic for our brain and can increase positive emotions. We release all sorts of feel good chemicals when we see something cute and novel – we’re wired to positively respond to cuteness. 

My most recent ‘therapy session’ has been with Pluto the talking dog .

In an interview with CBC, University of Victoria neuroscientist Olav Krigolson explains  when “you are not expecting to see something cute and cuddly and then you see it, it’s perceived by the brain as a reward,” said Krigolson. The cute image triggers the chemical reward system and the brain receives a mini dose of dopamine. 

The benefit is even stronger when reward and emotions are paired together Krigolson explains. The amygdala (a part of the brain involved with experiencing emotions) is turned on when you stare at cute pictures or videos  But the trick here is that the image needs to be a surprise otherwise the reward system won’t get ‘tripped’.

Who woulda thought surfing for different cute puppy videos or getting new ones from your friends, wasn’t a bad thing after all? In moderation of course. Spending an hour watching the cute and cuddly isn’t what we’re talking about here. Mini-breaks of staring at lovable little cats or hedgehogs that you’ve never seen before is all that’s needed to grab a dose of dopamine.  

Findings in a survey of 7000 internet users revealed similar outcomes for improved mood and increased energy.  In an article for The Conversation, Jessica Myrick, Associate Professor of Media Studies at Penn State writes “some research suggests that taking short breaks for a mood-boosting activity, be it petting an actual dog or watching a video of one online, may not only improve your mood but also decrease stress or re-energize you when you do return to your work.” 

This Hiroshima University study shows watching cute animal videos improves focus and productivity too.

Cythnia Johnson a psychotherapist and social worker in Toronto, was pleasantly surprised to see the science behind watching cute animal videos. 

Johnson suggests it to her clients and explains to them “they may find watching cute animal videos a great “distress tolerance” activity. For my clients, such videos could be used as a distracting activity or as a means to replace emotion with another emotion.”

Distress tolerance, which is a key element in Dialectal Behavioral Therapy is defined by Psychology Today as “ distress tolerance is geared toward increasing a person’s tolerance of negative emotion, rather than trying to escape from it.”

My foray into viral videos of bears in hammocks, and the antics of dogs isn’t just fluff or wasted time. 

Let’s hear it: “Power to the Puppies”. Oh and if you’re a cat fan (I’m learning to be more of a meow buff), how about “Kudo’s to the Kitty”?. I thought about power to the pussy, but that just doesn’t sound right – at least not for this post. Now go ahead, click on a  couple or five. No need for guilt. Your brain will thank you for it. 

What are the cute animal videos you watch? C’mon, I know you watch ’em. From time to time at least. No shame in that. Remember, you’re doing something good for you and your brain.

© Victoria Maxwell

Anxiety Canada is presenting town hall meetings each week on guess what topic? Anxiety! And boy, the one I recently watched titled “Uncertainty during COVID-19” was so helpful! 

Knowledge is power they say. Getting accurate information about anxiety, how it works, and the tips to increase ‘uncertainty tolerance’ was anxiety reducing in itself. 

Most people are feeling more anxious than usual. A pretty natural response to a global pandemic, I’d say. For those of us with generalized anxiety disorder (GAD), like myself, or other anxiety disorders, these times can be even more challenging. I know they have been for me.

Psychology Today describes generalized anxiety disorder (GAD) as a “chronic state of severe worry and tension, often without provocation. Those with GAD regularly anticipate disaster, often worrying excessively about health, money, family, or work. Merely getting through the day brings on anxiety.” Sounds comfy huh? Not.

Research tells us that people with GAD have difficulty tolerating uncertainty.1 In Anxiety Canada’s video, psychologist Dr. Melisa Robichaud, explains “intolerance of uncertainty means the person with GAD will worry about an imagined feared event as long as there is even the slightest risk of it happening.”

Most people are a little uncomfortable with uncertainty. There’s nothing wrong with that. But being VERY uncomfortable with it, is problematic. It can lead to extreme levels of stress, anxiety and worry and time-consuming behaviors.

Increasing our ability to tolerate uncertainty can go a long way to helping us feel more at ease when things are stressful. This is the case whether you have an anxiety disorder or not. 

Robichaud continues, “uncertainty is a component of a situation where you can’t predict the outcome which is great fodder for anxiety and worry.” 

It’s important to differentiate. Worry is of the mind (those negative ‘what if’s’ that roll around in our heads). Anxiety is of the body (racing heart, shortness of breath, the physical feelings we get). 

In my personal experience of GAD, difficulty tolerating uncertainty drives my worry. 

In general, this is how it works for most people. Dr. Robichaud says “worry is a mental attempt to reduce the unknown and feel more certain by thinking through anything that could possibly happen.” Unfortunately, complete certainty is always out of reach and this feeds the relentless cycle of anxiety and worry. 

Recognize any of these behaviours? To feel more certain, do you:

  • ask for reassurance from others a lot?
  • get 2nd, 3rd, 9th opinions on things? 
  • do unending research and information-gathering? 
  • worry about negative events happening even if the likelihood is very low? 
  • make lists upon lists, maybe making multiple ones in a day?

On my ‘not-so-good-filled-with-worry’ days, yes I do. These and other thoughts and behaviors indicate an intolerance of uncertainty.2

There’s actually an assessment to measure it. It’s called, what else? The Intolerance of Uncertainty Scale (the IUS)!

Even though we will always live with uncertainty, there is good news. There are ways we can improve our ability to tolerate it and thus increase our everyday sense of ease.

6 Ways to increase tolerance for uncertainty:

1. Acknowledge and accept – First, it’s ok to be anxious about the current uncertain times. It’s not just ok, it’s understandable. Even without the pandemic, anxiety is ok. Yes – it’s uncomfortable, but it is also acceptable. Accept and acknowledge it’s natural to feel anxious – you’re not alone. This in and of itself can create space to relax.

In the video above, clinical psychologist Dr. Anne Marie Albano suggests we recognize and accept that “we can’t (ever) be completely certain, but we can do the best we can, for who we are. You do what you can to take care of yourself and to make (positive) outcomes more likely.” 

2. Knowledge – Education is powerful. Learning about uncertainty tolerance, understanding how anxiety works etc. can improve our ability to tolerate uncertainty. Watching the video and reading this blog can increase our understanding and decrease our anxiety. 

3. Flexible thinking – As Dr. Anne Marie Albano describes, it is learning to “roll with things when you can’t control them. The ability to make good use of accurate information”. Shifting our thinking when we get new information and allowing that to positively influence our behavior is what developing flexibility in our thinking is all about.

4. Create a healthy relationship to threat – Dr. Robichaud explains “a healthy relationship to threat (or uncertainty) is based on probability not possibility.” That is, I use my rational mind, not my anxious mind, to determine the likelihood of an event occurring. If it’s a low probability that it will happen, then, in Dr. Robichaud’s words, “I will not act as if it is a threat.”

5. Strategically gather information – Determine if the information gathering is helping and actually informing or is it another sneaky form of seeking reassurance? If it’s an attempt to find reassurance, then choose to stop. Intentionally choose when to gather information, and where to get it. That is healthy control. 

6. Problem solve from the rational mind – When there is a concrete issue (for example, job uncertainty) problem solve. Create a healthy plan using your rational mind not anxious mind. 

Dr. Robichaud describes a ‘wait and see’ approach. If you make a plan when you’re anxious, wait until the next day and review it. If it really is a good idea, it will still be a good one the following day when you’re less anxious. 

One of my favorite psychiatrists said to me “life is learning to live with uncertainty without being paralyzed by fear”. Uncertainty in life is unavoidable. The pandemic highlights this in neon. There are a lot of things in life that are out of our control. Fortunately, the way we choose to respond and relate to the unknown isn’t one of them.

© Victoria Maxwell


1 Boswell JF, Thompson-Hollands J, Farchione TJ, Barlw DH. Intolerance of uncertainty: a common factor in the treatment of emotional disorders. J Clin Psychol. 2013;69(6):630-645. doi:10.1002/jclp.21965).2 Lee JK, Orsillo SM, Roemer L, Allen LB. Distress and avoidance in generalized anxiety disorder: exploring the relationships with intolerance of uncertainty and worry. Cogn Behav Ther. 2010;39(2):126-136. doi:10.1080/16506070902966918

As a speaker who shares her story of mental illness and recovery, I’m often asked what helped me most when I didn’t want help. What benefited me most when I was struggling and pushing people (and their assistance) away? What worked I call the “Crazy Naked Truths” (CNT).

CNT are principles healthcare providers, savvy friends, and my parents, in particular, embodied. They are strategies they utilized which facilitated my wellness journey. Eventually, I lived into these tenets– allowing me to flourish on my own. 

I was learning to manage bipolar disorder, anxiety, psychosis and the aftermath of a spiritual emergency. But these pointers encourage wellness in general. They’re applicable to many situations where someone is in distress or for anyone wanting to increase their ‘contentment quotient’. The guidelines transcend condition and illness, gender, age, ethnic background, socio-economic status, sexual orientation, religious affiliation, even political persuasion. Darkness knows no bounds. Neither does light. 

The 20 Crazy Naked Truths 

1. You can’t get well for me. You can’t change or control my behavior, reactions or choices. You can create conditions and options to help me accept my illness and make positive choices.

2. Acceptance is my greatest liberator; denial my greatest barrier.

3. Who you are and how you show up, matter as much as what you do and how much you know.

4. Find support and skills for yourself so you have the strength to say ‘no’ to me and offer me alternatives I may not welcome.

5. Learn to set boundaries with me so I can learn to set boundaries for myself.

6. Stay calm in conversations. Practice responding rather than reacting. Before you get to your “wits’ end”, walk away. Take a time out.

7. Show me how to use my anger not lose my temper.

8. If conversations always escalate into arguments, consider family therapy.

9. Learn to empower, not enable. As consistently as you can, offer me choices that work for YOU. Incorporate your needs and wants. IE: In exchange for living with you (the parent), I (your adult child) needs to get up by 9am and do a chore everyday. If I don’t want to do that, then you can still be there to help me and explore ways to find subsidized housing. 

10. Slowly, in small steps, create a reciprocal relationship with me. A relationship that is based on respecting the needs of others. Julie Fast has two excellent articles about this: The Hijacked House  and Reciprocal Relationships: Parenting your Adult Child with Mental Illness While Meeting your Needs

11. Sometimes I need a kick in the butt more than a pat on the back. Sometimes, the opposite.

12. Don’t protect me from the privilege of failure. 

13. You may never know which of your words created my tipping point into wellness; but know our conversations matter. 

14. I will rise to your expectations.

15. Hold a vision for me until I can hold it myself.

16. Explore what helped me in the past and focus on those strengths and tools to help me in the present.

17. Help me discover what I yearn for most deeply, and you will have helped me find the intrinsic motivation I need to participate in my wellness journey.

18. Push back indicates that fear is afoot. Model and teach me tools to manage and articulate my anxiety and needs, and I will move forward.

19. Respect my timetable. It is likely different (and slower) than yours. 

20. Once I’m well, support me to make ‘a good thing better’.

What do you think? In the comments section, let me know which one you’d like further information on. Who knows, it might appear as a future blog post.

© Victoria Maxwell




As my husband and I move past the 40-day mark of staying at home due to COVID-19 (egad!), I thought another excerpt from my ‘work-in-progress’ memoir might be a nice diversion. Not much context is needed for this. Gentle feedback welcome. Email me at [email protected] or leave a comment. Happy reading!


For years I tried to manage without help from the medical system. I put up all the clichéd roadblocks: I don’t trust big pharma. Doctors just want to push their agenda, their pills. I don’t have mental illness. I didn’t have psychotic episodes. I had spiritual awakenings. I don’t like the labels. I don’t want the drugs. I want to treat it, heal it the ‘natural’ way. Read: the ‘healthy’, morally superior, spiritually evolved way.

I tried everything from colour therapy, primal therapy, aromatherapy, psychotherapy (you gotta wonder why they call it “psycho”-therapy – pretty insulting if you ask me), astrology, numerology, reiki and pranic healing. I saw channelers, tarot card readers, psychics. I studied A Course in Miracles, the Alcoholics Anonymous’ big book. I went to halfway houses, support groups, 1-day workshops, weekend retreats. Did muscle testing, moving meditation, insight meditation. Got acupuncture, shiatsu, massage. Took flower remedies, Chinese herbs; did affirmations, journaling, morning pages, automatic writing, body work, dream work, aura cleansing, aura reading, chakra balancing, chakra clearing. Joined AA, OA, OY-VEY.

 You name it. If it was New Age, Self-“Yelp” or somewhere on the shelves of Banyan Books (Vancouver’s oldest new-age bookstore), I had read it, paid for it, trained in it, practiced it, meditated over it, ingested it, sniffed it, got fleeced by it. And none of it, not really, super down deep, was enough to keep me well.

 My last resort? Enlightenment. See, I thought if I got enlightened, I wouldn’t feel depressed anymore. I wouldn’t feel anything anymore.

I have more trouble telling you I went to India to visit a guru to get enlightened than I do admitting I ran down the street naked in a euphoric psychotic episode and ended up in the psych ward. 4 times.

I don’t know why. Maybe because the perfectionistic overachiever that I am, is ashamed I failed to reach my goal. I am definitely not enlightened. Maybe because mental illness is common. Enlightenment not so much, and what’s the point of it, really? It’s not like being enlightened is practical or even attainable. Mental illness however, now THAT’S attainable. Though mental illness isn’t all that practical either. Practically fatal, perhaps.

Spiritual searching (more like lurching in my case) is…embarrassing.  My fervent hunt for enlightenment revealed my desperation. Granted, it kept hope alive and as a result, it kept me alive.

Depression led me to question everything. Like paint thinner, depression denatures our lives of purpose and point. Living with dramatic despair and mangy meaninglessness, I spiraled into an existential crisis. Over and over and OVER again, I was caught in an Escher-like maze of questions: “What is God? Why are we here? What’s the meaning of it all?”

On a cloudy North Vancouver day, my dad sat beside me on my springy mattress in my bedroom. Both of us looking at the floor, him shaking his head as I rattled off those questions that ricocheted between my temples. With that furrowed brow of his, he sighed and grunted “Man has been asking those questions from the beginning of time. If you keep that up, you’ll go crazy.” More prophetic than either of us knew.

Instead of focusing on a traditional way of combating my malaise by going to my doctor, treating the symptoms or continuing with counseling, I assumed if I discovered the meaning of life, I’d be fine! Enlightenment, the end of suffering, the Buddha said. What’s not to love? Those contemporary gurus seem pretty chill too, right?  The Dalai Lama is pretty much always giggling. Eckhart Tolle – though a bit creepy in an elfish kind of way – seems fairly content. Thich Nhat Hanh – now that dude is laid back. Pema Chodron? My rock star. She exudes equanimity while also readily embracing her messy humanity. I put all my energy into seeking the answers to life. Because that was the real root cause of my suffering. Not this thing called mental illness.

The new age movement says the psychoses I experienced were spiritual emergencies and awakenings. I didn’t need to ‘resort to’ medication or medical treatment to heal. The medical system has one perspective: mental illness is a disease; a complex interplay of genes and environment. I hadn’t experienced God. 

It’s a blessing OR a curse. I was caught in a psychiatric “Sophie’s Choice”. Choose the spiritual perspective: suffer. Choose the medical perspective: suffer. But over the course of 25 years since I’ve been diagnosed, I’ve discovered, it’s not that clear cut. It never is.

Maybe I have a hard time telling you I went to India to sit with a guru and “wake up” because I think my seeking actually led me into the foul spiral of mental collapse. Maybe. Just maybe – I feel like I’m to blame for bringing my mental illness on myself. Or that I failed myself. If I had just been more grounded, more prepared, that massive burst of energy that coursed through my body on that particular evening in a meditation room wouldn’t have resulted in me believing that I saw my own grave and that I could drive my car with my thoughts. Maybe just maybe I’m disappointed in myself. That somehow, I could have harnessed that moment into permanent liberation, instead of plummeting me into a fight for my vision of spirituality and for my mental health.

Does mental illness and spiritual experiences have to be mutually exclusive? That’s what I felt the medical system was telling me. That’s what I thought my spiritual community was telling me. It was one or the other. But I needed it to be both. Both. For me to stay alive, I needed to find a way to be spiritual and crazy.

To be continued…

© Victoria Maxwell



I’m struggling a bit right now with anxiety and depression. So I’m practicing what I preach. I’m being as kind to myself as I can and simplifying what I need to do. Instead of writing a full blog post and long newsletter, I’m sending out this mini-mental health memo to you.

A cute animal video. For your viewing pleasure, here’s Justin (baby) Beaver.

One of my tactics when I’m in this uncomfortable place is to watch cute animal videos as therapy. And guess what? It really is therapeutic. Scientific studies show watching cute videos is good for our brain and mood. We release all sorts of feel good chemicals when we see something cute – we’re wired to positively respond to cuteness. 

So go ahead, click on a couple or five. No need for guilt. Watching cute videos is scientifically proven to raise mood! Read this CBC article to learn how it happens.

I hope Justin Beaver brings a moment of joy to your day. Be kind to yourself my friends.

© Victoria Maxwell


Ok before anything. Let’s take a deep breath. I’m serious. Do this with me. Inhale 1 – 2 – 3. Pause. Exhale 1 – 2 – 3. A little better? 

Like many of you, if you subscribe to newsletters, many are focused on information about the unusual times we are in and what we can do to prevent the spread of the COVID-9 virus and the anxiety that surrounds it. 

I’m not going to repeat what you probably have in your inbox. Instead I’m going to share with you my experience and what I’ve unexpectedly gleaned from this collective situation. I realize many aren’t as fortunate as I am: a privileged middle-aged white woman, not working the frontlines, with some small savings in the bank, in my home country and healthy. The following “COVID19 Silver Linings” might not be relevant to you – but I offer it in the spirit of kindness and support.

1.It’s OK to go slow: I have felt strangely comforted by this surreal global experience. Let me explain. It’s put the brakes on my work – allowing the pace of my life to sloooooow down. Three of my speaking events have been cancelled and I expect more. Although this comes with financial consequences, I’m ok with this. Everyone is facing uncertainty. Businesses everywhere are having to make changes. I know I am not alone. We’re all going to be given time and wiggle room as we find solutions to support ourselves and each other. On my day off, like last Sunday, I made banana bread. For the life of me, I can’t remember the last time I baked banana bread! The more I slow down, the easier it is to breathe deeply and calm myself.

2. Perspective: A global pandemic puts things into perspective. Like any illness, it can help us reprioritize what’s really paramount and recognize what we thought was important (finding a better fitting pair of jeans for instance) maybe isn’t so important after all. I’ve phoned (yes, phoned not texted!) people I haven’t in awhile. A friend’s mother who I knew had fallen, a writerly friend (ok I did text her), good friend who’s been facing other life bumps.

3. One thing at a time tactic: What used to be urgent isn’t. I don’t feel the pressure to be busy-busy-busy and get my usual to do’s done. I identify the ONE thing I know needs to be done today. Then I take one slow, gentle step at a time to get it done. This ‘one-thing-at-a-time’ focus helps me soften into the present moment, allowing surfacing anxiety to pass on its own. If I get that ONE thing done, I identify the next one thing that needs to be done and so on. This is also a great antidote for fuzzy thinking.

I hope some of my experiences spark an insight or small gentle sense of ok-ness for you while we ride the waves of this. Share with me what you have discovered to help you stay grounded and connected. We really are in this together.

© Victoria Maxwell



I love this initiative. Rob Osman from Bristol in the UK, who has struggled with social anxiety and depression, created a dog walking group for guys to gab about their feelings and struggles (if they so choose). He did so after he found walking his dog, Mali, was such a huge help for his own mental health. 

For anyone, but for men especially, ‘let’s go for a walk’ is so much more appealing than ‘let’s have a talk’. 

Dudes & Dogs Walk & Talk he calls it. Don’t you just love that? 

The program is there to make it easier for men to talk or, even just to join in and go for a walk with another dude and a dog. No pressure or requirement to say a thing.

In a Somerset Live interview, Rob Osman says “”It [walking a dog] is a good way (for people to relax and drop their barriers) because you do not have to look at each other in the eye and are in an open space.”

I talk about how to create an encouraging space for folks to talk in my most recently developed “keyshop” (combo of a keynote and workshop) Creating Comfortable Mental Health Conversations at Work

When you’re talking to someone about a potentially delicate issue (like mental health, or simply feelings), you want the individual to feel safe. You don’t want them to feel cornered (as in a hallway) or too exposed (in view of co-workers in the break room) or threatened or defensive (like sitting across a table or a desk even).

I suggest the very initial ‘how are you doing?’ questions happen while casually walking through the parking lot away from others. Strolling from one job site to another is another good place to start a conversation. 

Osman continues: “It is at their pace and there is no expectation for them to have to talk – it could be that they just listen the first few times.” 

Men and women relate and express their feelings in very different ways and environments. We women sit across from each other, looking supportively into each other’s eyes, drinking tea or coffee and talk, and talk and TALK. 

I can call a girlfriend who I will be seeing that same night, talk on the phone for an hour or more during the day, and still have things to say to her in the evening. My husband just shakes his head and wonders how on earth could we have so much to say to each other. That’s women for ya.

Men on the other hand, so I’ve been told, open up when they are side-by-side doing things together. None of this eye contact kind of stuff. They watch ‘the game’, sit around a fire, go for a hike, or as Osman knows, go walking with a dog. Then talking flows from the activity.

We need our men to talk. The stoic ‘I-can-tough-anything-out’ is killing them. 11 people die every day by suicide In Canada. Most of them are males. That doesn’t even capture the individuals who attempt it. 

We need to normalize talking and explore ways of sharing that’re comfortable so men are willing to participate. Having women suggest ways ain’t gonna fly too far. Role models are the best way to create change. Rob Osman is one of those who is pioneering new methods to get his brothers in arms to stop suffering in silence and instead get into nature, with dude and dog, and share some of the tough stuff. 

When men find healthy ways to express themselves and their struggles it positively impacts their families, their workplaces, and their communities. And THAT is something definitely worth talking about! 

© Victoria Maxwell


I’m writing a book. There, I said it. Not quite sure if it’s going to be a straight-up memoir. Perhaps titled, as someone joked, “Not Another Bipolar Memoir”. Or, the book might be a combination ‘memoir/personal-essay-with-action-tips” kinda book. Either way, as I write it, I’m going to, from time to time, share excerpts with you. I love the idea of having a friend like you (‘cause that’s how I think of you) getting a peek into what I’m thinking and what I’m writing. 

I don’t have a date set for the final draft, or a publisher (if I go that direction) in place. But as a valued reader, I value sharing these pieces with you. If you have thoughts about them, resources that might be helpful as I get closer to publication, people you think I should contact or just general cheerleading comments and encouragement – email them my way! 

This piece is pretty self-explanatory. If it’s not, then I need to do a major rewrite! Read on and hope you enjoy it.

Cute Guy in the Psych Ward

One month in on A2 at Lion’s Gate hospital – A2: the acute psychiatric ward. By the way, there is nothin’ cute about a psych ward.  I’m following this blue line down the middle of the hospital hallway. It leads to the smoke ‘garden’. That’s where all the chain smokers hang out. I never smoked before until I got here, but the cute guy from room 17 lights up every 35 minutes. I won’t see him otherwise. I don’t think he knows I’m alive. I must be invisible. Oh, don’t ever say that to your doctor: ‘IN-VISIBLE’. Red flag phrase for psychiatrists.

Anyway, I’m in the smoke ‘garden’ wearing those regulation blue hospital PJs, sitting on one of those flimsy white plastic patio chairs.  One leg is shorter than the others, so I’m trying to find my balance and at the same time trying to be all flirty while I look at Sam. That’s his name, Sam, the cute guy (red hair, pulsing biceps) who undoubtedly has a girlfriend. I know his name because we’re all assigned orderlies for the day and it’s posted on a white board with our names listed under them. Wednesdays I’m with Liam. So is Sam. Isn’t that cute? We’re a couple without even trying. This is my manic hypersexual ‘super’ logic. 

“Can I have a light?”  I lean towards him, careful not to topple over. A silky hand carries his Bic lighter close to my mouth. I inhale, the flame flares and cigarette ignites. I cough. “Thanks.” And I cough again. Not quite the impression I wanted to make. 

Despite the giant hedge of fir trees running the circumference of the unit, the grass of the smoke garden and beyond is scorched. Rays of late afternoon summer sun lasers through the foliage onto the top of Sam’s head. His red hair lights up like sparkles in a snow globe. 

And then? Out of his mouth comes poetry, snippets from his therapy journal. His words make me think of tangerines and the smell of sandalwood. He says these things and I just laugh. Like a lunatic. NO. I mean really like a lunatic. And he looks at me like I’m crazy or something “‘cause,” as he tells me “it wasn’t supposed to be funny”. And there I am with my burning butt of a cigarette feeling like an idiot, a crazy woman, thinking about the tie-dyed sunsets of India. And then, guess what Sam does? He leans back, takes a drag of his cigarette and smiles.  For the next 5 minutes, we sit in comfortable quiet, staring at each other, waiting ‘til our smokes die.

© Victoria Maxwell